1/19/2010
Author: Devin
Title: Forgiveness & Eternity
January 20, 2010
“Sometime between my son Judah’s conception and delivery, his father decided that he couldn’t be married anymore, not to me, he said, and probably not to anyone. In Texas, where we were living, it turned out to be illegal to divorce your wife while she was pregnant. So although he filed for divorce during my seventh month, we were still legally married on the day Judah was born, which also happened to be the day before our 10th wedding anniversary. He was there for the birth and dropped in on us for visits, but a few months later I moved back to New York City, where my family lived. I felt like someone who had survived a tornado: miraculously, I was able to leave the destruction behind me. Judah, knowing nothing of his chaotic origins, was a sweet and placid baby. I loved wheeling him up and down the streets where I’d grown up. Two years later, while Judah’s father remained in Texas and I was still in New York, the man to whom I was once married and the father of my precious child was diagnosed with late stage cancer. After finding out about the cancer he called me. I hadn’t heard his voice in a while, and it sounded strained. I expressed sympathy about his illness, but that wasn’t what he wanted to talk about. “I need to ask you something,” he said. “You are totally within your rights to say no, but I hope you’ll at least listen to me. I had always planned to have a relationship with Judah when he was a little older, but now I don’t know if that can happen. I want to start seeing him more, as much as I can, right away. I don’t have money for New York hotels, so I’d like to stay with you or your mother when I’m in town. During chemo I might not be able to travel, but I’d like to talk to Judah on the phone every night. And maybe have you bring him to visit me.” In some ways, this was what I’d longed to hear since Judah’s birth. Though I knew we would never be a family, I still hoped that eventually Judah would have a relationship with his dad.
Now, in my own mind I realized this outreach wasn’t just for little Judah. I had never anticipated single motherhood and longed to share the travails of preschool and potty training with my son’s father. Maybe now Judah and his father could have a relationship and I could have a partner in parenthood. And if his treatment was successful, father and son could have a future together. Whereas if I said no, the door might close for good. That was my first thought. I also had to consider that the worst might come to pass, in which case I would have exposed Judah to significant and avoidable pain. Right now, he didn’t know his father; any loss would be abstract rather than personal. But what if he came to love his father, only to lose him? This had the makings of either a miracle or a tragedy; it was hard to predict which. I queried friends, relations, professionals: What would you do? The responses were mixed. A friend said: “How could you let him back after what he did? He doesn’t deserve to know his son.” My mother said, “How can you refuse what might turn out to be a last wish?” And my therapist just said, “You’ll know the right thing to do.”
Deep down, I actually wanted to give Judah’s father, who was for many years my loving and beloved husband, the consolation he now needed. I shelved my indignation about the way he had opted out of Judah’s life. Though he had left me in the lurch when I was at my most vulnerable, even then I had felt more pity than anger. He walked away empty-handed, while I had Judah. So, I said yes, and their meetings began.” (Victoria Rosner, New York Times, Dec. 31, 2009)
I caught an interview with Victoria Rosner this morning on television and thought hers was quite the compelling story. Sadly, 10 months after he re-entered the lives of his ex-wife and son, Judah's daddy died. Victoria says that she does not regret extending forgiveness to her ex-husband and allowing him to become a part of her family again, even though many counseled her against it. “Judah now has his paternal memories to cherish and I have my co-parental ones. Neither of us would have wanted to forgo them.”
Jesus said simply in Matthew 6:14-15, “if you don't forgive, you won't be forgiven”. I am pretty simple minded, but even I can figure that one out. I believe there are some gray areas in God's Word that are open to interpretation, but this is not one of them ..... it seems fairly cut and dried ..... entirely black and white. Heaven is a prepared place for forgiven people. Jesus says if you don't forgive, you won't be forgiven. So therefore, by process of deduction, I have come to this conclusion ..... if I want to spend eternity with God, I had best be about the business of forgiving. I don't know if Ms. Rosner is a Christian or not, but she sure practiced a Christian principle. I in turn know that there are a lot of Christians who don't practice that same principle that is taken straight out of the holy book that they claim to live by. Are you picking up what I'm putting down? If so, isn't there a call you need to make or a drive you need to take? Your eternity might depend on it.
Go the extra mile - Devin